i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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