i think my tv is drunk
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
