the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
