do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
