The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
