Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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