everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
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but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
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My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
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