her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
