it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
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the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
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you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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