i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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