glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
