I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
