guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
