dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
