i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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