In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
