I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
