i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
