Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
and you said cock pushups were impossible
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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