Screwed.edu
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
ttyl tear gas
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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