I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Where is the hickey?
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
