the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
