Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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