Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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