and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
my liver is dry heaving
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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