i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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