If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
