When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize