"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
