But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
