apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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