Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
