my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
