why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
