Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
