I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
