dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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