your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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