i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
