found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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