There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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