so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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