dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
