That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I forgot how hot balto sounded
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
