Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
