I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
