According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
