I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
