Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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