i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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