We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
