Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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