can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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