That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
