Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
