And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Randomize
