Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
