So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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