By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
