He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
